Can the Sparkling Wit: How to Talk to Men

With the holidays upon us, it’s more than likely you’ll be called upon to put on a special frock, attend parties, and actually interact with other people. But how? 

Never fear! I have some quick ‘n helpful tips for ladies from a new resource in the Hersteria library: Your Power As a Woman: How to Develop and Use It. (The title is admittedly oxymoronic – putting “power” and “woman” together? I mean REALLY.)

 

1. Completely Change Your Voice

“Remember that the over-husky voice of many years ago is out. That was a little something which, no doubt, came out of the era when a speakeasy was a speakeasy and a voice was a lulling as the shout of a racetrack tout. Then came the sinus era, when we all went as tinny as the French and as raspy as a flock of macaws.”

So, retrain your speaking voice to resemble something between congested French and a strangled macaw. Easy enough.

how to listen

2. Know Your Audience

“Never conduct a conversation with a woman in the same manner as you would with a man. No wise woman does. If you must be witty, be witty with your women friends – never with a man.”

Remember: If he knows the real you, he will never love you again. 

3. Keep Him Engaged By Not Engaging

“The best rule for you to follow in talking with a man is to be a good listener. Let him finish the thought he wishes to express. Try not to interrupt. In this way, you’ll be able to make intelligent comments and, when necessary, ask intelligent questions. By intelligent questions, I don’t mean, ‘How much money do you make?’ ‘What do you have in the bank?’ or ‘Don’t you think I’m lovely?’

Talking with a man can be a problem. A large number of men don’t like ‘The Girl with the Intelligent Question.’ They’re more attracted by ‘The Girl with the Right Answer.’”

The Right Answer being: “Can I get you another Manhattan?” 

 

And remember:

Talking too much WWII ad

 

(image via Blog Tips)

 

How to Faint and Flutter: Swooning for the Everyday Gal

I am late to the Finishing School party, but OH MY LANDS AND STARS, what a find! 

In this particular missive entitled, “How to Faint in a Manner That Attracts a Certain Gentlemen,” ladies learn to properly flutter eyelashes and swoon without mussing one’s gown.

Hersteria_Finishing School_swoon

If only I had known these fine suggestions when I was attempting to attract the attentions of Mr. Hersteria! No, my mute, purposeful blinking while staring directly into his eyes was mistook as my having a paralytic fit.

Oh, we laugh about it now. 

 

(Thank you to Jim for the lead!)

When Should a Guy Marry?

“We have placed the best age for woman to marry between 20 and 25 years; for similar reasons, man is best qualified to become a husband between 23 and 33 years.

Previous to the twenty-third year, many a man is incapable of producing healthy children. If he does not destroy his health by premature indulgence, he may destroy his happiness by witnessing his children a prey to debility and deformity. An old German proverb says, “Give a boy a wife, and a child a bird, and death will soon knock at the door.”

The Physical Life of Woman

Young Romance vintage comic

“However will I tell her that Vince falls short of the 23-to-33-year-old age limit? And what’s with that German nonsense about a child and a bird?”

(Image via DC Comics Database)

It’s National Crochet Month!

Today we’re taking a break from your regularly scheduled vintage marriage and dating advice to celebrate National Crochet Month! In the interest of full disclosure, I’m a knitter, not a crochet type – but we can all get along when it comes to yarn, right?

 

crochet bunny hat

I’d like to tell you it gets better, son, but… well. You know.

crochet man vest tie

Murphy Brown, meet Murphy Me-YOW! Here’s a little something for that journalist on-the-go! (Yes, I know MB was a woman. Hush now.)

vintage crochet family

First the all-crocheted items. Then the divorce. Even the clown doll is screaming.

crochet cossack costume

Crocheted Cossack costume? Three-foot-high “jumbo sculpture”? How much weed was involved here?

vintage crochet family

Here’s a crocheted family who’s doing a little better. A lil’ lucky someone even got baby Voltron legs!

vintage crochet toilet paper dollShe knows. Oh, she KNOWS.

(Images via Vintage Everywhere, TessKnits.com, and C. Dianne Zweig.)

Dating for Duds: If She Says ‘No’

mystery date snowboarder

Sorry, Popular Guy – I have to wash my hair that night.

“Boys have a lot of pride (so do girls for that matter) and they hate to have a pin stuck in it. (Who doesn’t?) Having ample grey matter, they realize that in asking for a date they run the risk of being slapped on their egos with a brisk, ‘No!’

Just between you, me, and the gatepost, the risk is pretty slight – but in all fairness we must recognize that it is there. Most girls love to date and adhere to the philosophy that the more parties and boy friends the better. In fact, boys, ‘No’ is one word that is few girls’ vocabularies.”

Date Data

Meanwhile, the rest of this book is pretty much dedicated to telling girls how to stop the boys they’re dating from getting too fresh. Le sigh.

Happy National Bathtub Party Day!

vintage bathtub party

So, according to the Internets, it’s National Bathtub Party Day! I don’t know about you, but I’ll be celebrating with bubble bath from Lush, a drink, music, and a soggy magazine.

Let’s revisit another bathtub party! Does anyone remember the Bath Night Frolic?

“I refer to the custom adopted by the wise mothers of all generations of having the little children fo the family meet in the nursery at bedtime at least one evening a week in what some mothers call an “undress parade.” Others mothers call it a “bath night frolic.” The little boys and girls of the family ranging in age between two and seven or eight, enter into these frolic with the keenest and most unalloyed pleasure.”

(Read the full post: Commence Frolicking!)