How to Faint and Flutter: Swooning for the Everyday Gal

I am late to the Finishing School party, but OH MY LANDS AND STARS, what a find! 

In this particular missive entitled, “How to Faint in a Manner That Attracts a Certain Gentlemen,” ladies learn to properly flutter eyelashes and swoon without mussing one’s gown.

Hersteria_Finishing School_swoon

If only I had known these fine suggestions when I was attempting to attract the attentions of Mr. Hersteria! No, my mute, purposeful blinking while staring directly into his eyes was mistook as my having a paralytic fit.

Oh, we laugh about it now. 

 

(Thank you to Jim for the lead!)

When Should a Guy Marry?

“We have placed the best age for woman to marry between 20 and 25 years; for similar reasons, man is best qualified to become a husband between 23 and 33 years.

Previous to the twenty-third year, many a man is incapable of producing healthy children. If he does not destroy his health by premature indulgence, he may destroy his happiness by witnessing his children a prey to debility and deformity. An old German proverb says, “Give a boy a wife, and a child a bird, and death will soon knock at the door.”

The Physical Life of Woman

Young Romance vintage comic

“However will I tell her that Vince falls short of the 23-to-33-year-old age limit? And what’s with that German nonsense about a child and a bird?”

(Image via DC Comics Database)

It’s National Crochet Month!

Today we’re taking a break from your regularly scheduled vintage marriage and dating advice to celebrate National Crochet Month! In the interest of full disclosure, I’m a knitter, not a crochet type – but we can all get along when it comes to yarn, right?

 

crochet bunny hat

I’d like to tell you it gets better, son, but… well. You know.

crochet man vest tie

Murphy Brown, meet Murphy Me-YOW! Here’s a little something for that journalist on-the-go! (Yes, I know MB was a woman. Hush now.)

vintage crochet family

First the all-crocheted items. Then the divorce. Even the clown doll is screaming.

crochet cossack costume

Crocheted Cossack costume? Three-foot-high “jumbo sculpture”? How much weed was involved here?

vintage crochet family

Here’s a crocheted family who’s doing a little better. A lil’ lucky someone even got baby Voltron legs!

vintage crochet toilet paper dollShe knows. Oh, she KNOWS.

(Images via Vintage Everywhere, TessKnits.com, and C. Dianne Zweig.)

Dating for Duds: If She Says ‘No’

mystery date snowboarder

Sorry, Popular Guy – I have to wash my hair that night.

“Boys have a lot of pride (so do girls for that matter) and they hate to have a pin stuck in it. (Who doesn’t?) Having ample grey matter, they realize that in asking for a date they run the risk of being slapped on their egos with a brisk, ‘No!’

Just between you, me, and the gatepost, the risk is pretty slight – but in all fairness we must recognize that it is there. Most girls love to date and adhere to the philosophy that the more parties and boy friends the better. In fact, boys, ‘No’ is one word that is few girls’ vocabularies.”

Date Data

Meanwhile, the rest of this book is pretty much dedicated to telling girls how to stop the boys they’re dating from getting too fresh. Le sigh.

Happy National Bathtub Party Day!

vintage bathtub party

So, according to the Internets, it’s National Bathtub Party Day! I don’t know about you, but I’ll be celebrating with bubble bath from Lush, a drink, music, and a soggy magazine.

Let’s revisit another bathtub party! Does anyone remember the Bath Night Frolic?

“I refer to the custom adopted by the wise mothers of all generations of having the little children fo the family meet in the nursery at bedtime at least one evening a week in what some mothers call an “undress parade.” Others mothers call it a “bath night frolic.” The little boys and girls of the family ranging in age between two and seven or eight, enter into these frolic with the keenest and most unalloyed pleasure.”

(Read the full post: Commence Frolicking!)