Today we’re taking a break from your regularly scheduled vintage marriage and dating advice to celebrate National Crochet Month! In the interest of full disclosure, I’m a knitter, not a crochet type – but we can all get along when it comes to yarn, right?
I’d like to tell you it gets better, son, but… well. You know.
Murphy Brown, meet Murphy Me-YOW! Here’s a little something for that journalist on-the-go! (Yes, I know MB was a woman. Hush now.)
First the all-crocheted items. Then the divorce. Even the clown doll is screaming.
Crocheted Cossack costume? Three-foot-high “jumbo sculpture”? How much weed was involved here?
Here’s a crocheted family who’s doing a little better. A lil’ lucky someone even got baby Voltron legs!
She knows. Oh, she KNOWS.
(Images via Vintage Everywhere, TessKnits.com, and C. Dianne Zweig.)
Sorry, Popular Guy – I have to wash my hair that night.
“Boys have a lot of pride (so do girls for that matter) and they hate to have a pin stuck in it. (Who doesn’t?) Having ample grey matter, they realize that in asking for a date they run the risk of being slapped on their egos with a brisk, ‘No!’
Just between you, me, and the gatepost, the risk is pretty slight – but in all fairness we must recognize that it is there. Most girls love to date and adhere to the philosophy that the more parties and boy friends the better. In fact, boys, ‘No’ is one word that is few girls’ vocabularies.”
– Date Data
Meanwhile, the rest of this book is pretty much dedicated to telling girls how to stop the boys they’re dating from getting too fresh. Le sigh.
So, according to the Internets, it’s National Bathtub Party Day! I don’t know about you, but I’ll be celebrating with bubble bath from Lush, a drink, music, and a soggy magazine.
Let’s revisit another bathtub party! Does anyone remember the Bath Night Frolic?
“I refer to the custom adopted by the wise mothers of all generations of having the little children fo the family meet in the nursery at bedtime at least one evening a week in what some mothers call an “undress parade.” Others mothers call it a “bath night frolic.” The little boys and girls of the family ranging in age between two and seven or eight, enter into these frolic with the keenest and most unalloyed pleasure.”
(Read the full post: Commence Frolicking!)
She’s either thinking “Oh yeah, I’m going to slice the hell out of this turkey,” or “Oh yeah, I’m going to slice the hell out of my squabbling family.” Either way, you can be sure a lot of white wine is involved.
Happy Thanksgiving from Hersteria!
“It just goes to prove that women are happy when they can kick a guy around. If he doesn’t give them cause for complaint, they invent it. Sometimes you wonder why wives stick to ne’er-do-wells, cheaters and drunks. The answer is simply that it gives them a chance to nag, correct, boss, forgive – and if he’s helpless enough – nurse and mother him. Indeed, the alcoholic who goes on the wagon can make his wife physically ill by his reformed and virtuous state. Sometimes she herself is driven to drink by it.”
– Women Confidential
“Honey, I drink and cheat to keep YOU happy and healthy!”
Best justification ever.
(image via English Girl at Home)
“Hey girl. I bet under that kirtle and bumroll you’ve got some mighty stately Thighes.”
Tired of doling out the same, worn-out compliments to your lady friend? Take a page from The Academy of Complements (1663), written by John Gough. These lines are sure to quicken her breath and redden her cheeks, if you know what I mean.
“Her womb, mansion of Cupid and Summerhouse of pleasure.”
“Liquorous rolling eyes.”
“Her Cheeks are spread with Spices and Flowers.”
“Her breasts are the soft Pillows of love.”
“Her breasts are soft and tender as the Pelican’s.”
“In that sweet dimple, when she smiles, Cupid hath pitch’d his tents.”
“Her Thighes are fit subjects for the pleasant Songs of youthfull Poets to acquaint the world with.”
“Her legs as stately and firm as marble pillars.”
(via The Academy of Complements and Ask the Past)
“Maybe you feel a little guilty knowing that at least three-fourths of Bill’s allowance goes down the bottomless pit labeled ‘steady dating.’
Should you share part of the burden? If so, how? Some girls have gone topsy-turvy on this score and have established a revolutionary system in which the girl pays 50 per cent of the bills.
Sounds wonderful, but almost always it flops. Boys usually like the system at first, but after a few dates in which they play second fiddle, they begin to feel like sissified heels and their eyes begin to wander to the glamor girls (not gold diggers) who make them toe the mark.
In the beginning the girl feels important and useful, but about the third date she begins to feel she is not out with a masterful, masculine boy, but a real Caspar Milktoast. Can she idolize this sort of boy? No! Emphatically no! Soon she is looking down her nose at him and admiring the fellow who will date her only half as much but will take the lead in everything.”
– Date Data
Takeaway: Sharing and equality will only bring ruin and send everyone running to unhealthy, controlling relationships. (Side note: Is there such a thing as a “masterful” teenage boy?)
(Image via Collecting Children’s Books)