Hold Onto Your. . . Pants

“The various objects used for performing masturbation form a curious chapter in human perversity. While the hand, being the most handy, is by far the most frequently used, there comes a time when the hand apparently ceases to give the desired satisfaction and stronger stimuli are used. And instead of external friction, endourethral and rectal masturbation is indulged in. The objects used for this purpose comprise lead pencils, penholders, catheters, steel sounds, glass tubes, glass rods, wax candles (gas lighters), paper cutters, cork screws, ladies’ hatpins, canes, broomsticks, etc. etc.”

–Woman: Her Sex and Love Life

.
I’m rather disappointed that my so-called “progressive” local sex shop doesn’t carry steel sounds and hatpins.

When Any Woman Will Do

“A little thought will show clearly that Love is not merely sexual love, not merely a desire to gratify the sexual instinct. If love were merely sexual desire then one member of the opposite sex, or at least one attractive member, would be as good as any other. And indeed in animals and in the lower races, where love as we understand it does not exist, this is the case. To a male dog any female dog is as good as another, and vice versa. And the same is true of the primitive savage races, and even among the lower uneducated classes of so-called civilized races. To the Hottentot, to the Australian bushman or to the Russian peasant one woman is as good as another.”

–Woman: Her Sex and Love Life

.
Say what you will about the Hottentots–I refuse to believe that Lady and the Tramp weren’t deeply in love.

What a Boy Wants

“As the popular song puts it, ‘I enjoy being a girl.’ The boys said they liked girls who acted like girls, not tomboys. They liked girls who were friendly but not ‘pushy’. . .  also among the things boys admired were the kind of good looks that come from good grooming and neatness. Being ‘neat’ means looking more than just clean and combed. It means avoiding weird fads in hairdo, makeup, and dress.”

–The Life Cycle Library

.

And by “good grooming and neatness,” boys mean “boobs.”

Open 24/7

“If you want good sex adjustment as a couple, you must have sexual relations approximately as often as the man requires. This does not mean that you have to jump into bed if he gets the urge in the middle of supper or when you are dressing for a big party. But that does mean that a woman should never turn down her husband on appropriate occasions simply because she has no yearning of her own for sex or because she is tired or sleepy, or indeed for any reason short of a disability…. Sex is too important for any wife to give it less call upon her energy than cooking, laundry, and a dozen other activities.”

–The Marriage Art

.

It’s encouraging to know that sex can become as mindnumbingly drab and routine as any other household chore. Add screwing to the laundry list, girls.

A-1 Tumblebun

“Awareness that sex is in the offing usually starts through words and gestures. You can promote this process without interfering with spontaneity by developing a few pet terms or signals which express your interest or desires….

After a husband has complimented “the smoothest skin this side of Heaven” while he strokes it in passionate embrace, nicknames like ‘Velvet’ take on new meaning. After a wife has called her husband ‘Muscles’ as she squeezes his naked thigh, a significant pressure on his biceps can boost his sex urge… Try calling your wife an ‘A-1 tumblebun’ or your husband a ‘great big hunk of wonderful man’ when you’re obviously moving toward a sexual encounter.”

–The Marriage Art

.
This week, I challenge all Hersteria readers to call someone an “A-1 Tumblebun” or some other such endearment. By all means, post your favorite endearment in the comments.