Why, yes… a “gum massager.” Of course.
(The below paragraph follows an explanation of the social and sexual implications behind dancing)
“In passing, the writer wishes to take the opportunity to assure the reader that nothing in the above paragraph is to be interpreted as indicating that he believes the modern dance, as it is usually conducted, frequently with no chaperonage or safeguards, to be a wise of sensible exercise for young people. The folk dances of the peasant people of Europe, and similar dances enjoyed by our great-grandparents in the pioneer days of America, are widely different in their social significance and influence from the modern round dance, with the unspeakable “Turkey-trots” and “Bunny hugs.”
Once after a big meal, my dad got the turkey trots, but I don’t remember a specific partnered dance. Hm.
It’s Spring, a time when a young woman’s fancy naturally turns to marriage. But finding a proper beau is so difficult these days — that’s why I’ve provided these helpful hints for “shopping” for that perfect man!
First, think about what sort of man you would like. Remember, you will be married to him forever and ever.
(Both above images via Comically Vintage)
Now then! Let’s look at the fellow you’ve picked. It appears he’s quite virile!
(via Namey McNamerson)
This is Hersteria’s 100th post! My goodness, how time does fly. Thank-you to all of my dear readers, who are undoubtedly some of the most attractive, intelligent, and morally upright people on the Inter-net.
Our Eve here might as well be wearing a big sign reading “ORIGINAL SIN.”
(I figured the snake would tie this month’s Hussy in with March and St. Patrick and that whole thing about him chasing the snakes out of Ireland, but then again I don’t think they have pythons in Ireland and … well, perhaps it’s a stretch.)
“Sensuality Exercise Number 7:
Fumble around in your kitchen cabinet until you find a whiskey shot glass. Leaving it empty (for now), cover your mouth with it as you would an oxygen mask, but don’t press it against your face. Now slowly stick out your tongue as far as it will go without touching the sides of the glass. If you do touch the sides, withdraw your tongue and begin again. This time, elongate the tip of your tongue, making it more pointed, and try to go past the point where you touched the glass.
This exercise serves a two-fold purpose. In French kissing, your tongue should be pointed to explore her mouth and meet her tongue. Your tongue is larger than hers–if it’s too broad when it enters her mouth, it may prove uncomfortable and frighten her.
Secondly, when stimulating the clitoris orally, the tip of your tongue should encircle the small shaft and only flick across the top of her clitoris.
If you don’t understand this now, you will later.”
If you don’t understand this entry now, you will when you get a knee to the jaw.
Update: Here are a few other sensuality exercises from other posts:
• Uh, Honey, What Are You Doing?!: Sensuality Exercise #3
• Thanks, but No Thanks: Sensuality Exercise #5
• The Sensual Man Presents: Sensitivity Training: Sensuality Exercise #10
“Concerning Long Engagements:
They are hurtful, and they are unnecessary. Is love so vagrant that it must be tied by such a chain? Better let it go. True love asks no oath; it casteth out fear, and believes without a promise.
There are other reasons, sound physiological reasons, which we could adduce, if need were, to show that the close personal relations which arise between persons who are engaged should not be continued too long a time. They lead to excitement and disability, sometimes to danger and disease. Especially is this true of nervous, excitable, sympathetic dispositions.”
If threats of consumption and a nervous breakdown aren’t the best ways to bully your beau into marrying you, I don’t know what is.
Need help examining your marital partner’s glaring flaws? These helpful 1930s-era score cards are just the thing!
Get out those pencils, fellas! How does your wife rate?
Not so fast! The ladies also get a turn. As soon as their through cooking dinner, that is.
Let the contempt begin!
(Via The Atlantic)
“The next question which the child asks, as a rule, concerns the physical differences between the sexes. Your little six or seven-year-old girl may come with the question as to how the mother knows whether her new-born baby is a boy or a girl. … The wise mothers in all generations have adopted a very simple method of forestalling this question, and presenting in the family, conditions which answer the question in the most natural and simple way.
I refer to the custom adopted by the wise mothers of all generations of having the little children fo the family meet in the nursery at bedtime at least one evening a week in what some mothers call an “undress parade.” Others mothers call it a “bath night frolic.” The little boys and girls of the family ranging in age between two and seven or eight, enter into these frolic with the keenest and most unalloyed pleasure.”
“Bath night frolic” at my house means something completely different. And it involves less children and more bourbon.