Nag Number 684

“Teenagers can help reduce family friction immensely by recognizing why their parents behave as they do and by keeping a lid on their own tempers. Try a good-natured approach: ‘Oh, mom, you know I’m too old to take orders like that,’ or a slightly humorous approach: ‘That’s nag number 684 on the subject of unhungup pajamas.’

–What Teenagers Want to Know

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Nag numbers 685-693 are regarding the Victoria’s Secret catalogs stowed under the mattress.

The Champ and the Chomp

“Although orgasm gives the ultimate in sexual reward, I have known women who never had an orgasm and yet regarded sex as a great personal satisfaction. Pleasing someone you love and meeting biologic needs competently with your body brings full contentment to many women during non-climactic sexual intercourse, just as nursing a baby brings contentment to a willing mother. If anything, non-climactic sex is easier to enjoy than nursing, since a considerate husband can always make intercourse comfortable while even a well-meaning infant sometimes bites. If you conscientiously work at being available, you may ultimately find the feminine role quite satisfying even in the absence of ardor or desire.”

–The Marriage Art

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I have to admit, this unfortunate mishmash of imagery — that of a lady having to take it like a champ in bed, and the image of babies chomping at the bit (so to speak) — really has me addled. Ick and ow.

Of Morons and Marriage Material

“You will need not only a wife, but you will also need a COMPANION. In such an alliance you should seek intelligence. A woman who is ignorant and stupid, or one who has simply learned to drum on the piano, to paint a few horrible pictures, and do a little embroidery, cannot properly be regarded as one suited for this important relation of life.”

What a Young Man Ought to Know

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Well, I guess I’m out of the running, then. Back to painting my horrible pictures!