July Hussy of the Month

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Oh. Oh dear.

I… I don’t even know where to begin. But in the name of decency, I shall persevere!

Allow me to list the filth:

• Bare forearms

• stockings showing

• riding a swing side-saddle

• a clearly unmarried man and woman alone together without chaperoned supervision (obviously, no wedded couple would partake in such goings-on)

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And, really, the less said about the postcard’s message, the better.

Give Grudgingly

Caveat: The book this information is taken from is a reprint, and thus may not be authentic. Even so, these are very wise words to live by. Take heed!


Sex Tips For Husbands and Wives from 1894

• The wise bride will permit two brief sexual experiences weekly — and as time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

• Give little, give seldom and above all give grudgingly. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

• Men obtain a major portion of sexual satisfaction from peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act. Thus the wife must ensure that there is no peace for him. Otherwise he might be encouraged to try again.

• Many women find it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pyjamas for their husbands — they need not be removed during the act.

• Lie still as bodily motion could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.

• When it cannot be prevented, sex should be practised in total darkness.

• Remain absolutely silent while he is huffing and puffing away – and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress.

• By the tenth anniversary many wives have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating sexual contact. Social pressure will hold the husband in the home.

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(From the learned ladies at Writing Women’s History.)

Be Honest When You Cheat

[On being honest with the woman with whom you're cheating on your wife]

“Little girls want pretty things and pretty smells and to be cuddled and kissed — but most of all, they want to be wives….

You can’t really blame her. Here you are, one of the world’s most sensuous men, holding her in your arms, telling her beautiful things, kissing her, fondling her, driving her out of her mind! After that kind of treatment, do you expect her to ‘understand’ that you have to go home to your nagging old wife? Forget it. She wants you, you! So if you want to keep her (and keep her happy), you’re going to have to be a combination of Casanova, Paul Newman, and Winston Churchill.

The rule here, as it is so often in sexual matters, is honesty.

The Sensuous Man

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So, to keep your piece, you have to be a librarian with VD, a salad dressing magnate, and a British bulldog with a loose mother? Good luck with that.

Cast Boobs Before Swine

“Not only is the mind to be kept pure, but the imagination must be carefully guarded. Turn away from obscene pictures as you would from the most loathsome contagion. . . The influence of vicious pictures often leads to illicit sexual indulgence. . .  Banish from your room and your possession all photographs and pictures whether known works of art or shielded under some similarly deceptive and euphonious title, but which are nevertheless “nude and nasty,” and which consequently beget impure thoughts, pollute the imagination and debase that which is noblest and best in the beholder, it matters not whether the pictures are suspended from the walls of an art gallery or grace (disgrace) the parlors of the wealthy.

The man who desires to be pure in life must also be careful about the purity of his blood. No man can eat pork, at least to any considerable amount, without perceptibly poisoning his blood. Numerous forms of skin disease are easily traceable to the eating of pork, both fresh and cured, in the many forms of sausage pudding, ham and bacon.”

What a Young Man Ought to Know

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Porn, pork . . . it’s all the same, really.

(Seriously, these two paragraphs ran together.)