Why Mince Words?

             
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Yowza. This is a 1913 letter to writer H.G. Wells from his longtime lover, writer Rebecca West.

Hell hath no fury and all that.

 

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“Dear H.G.,

During the next few days I shall either put a bullet through my head or commit something more shattering to myself than death. At any rate I shall be quite a different person. I refuse to be cheated out of my deathbed scene. I don’t understand why you wanted me three months ago and don’t want me now. I wish I knew why that were so. It’s something I can’t understand, something I despise. And the worst of it is that if I despise you I rage because you stand between me and peace. Of course you’re quite right. I haven’t anything to give you. You have only a passion for excitement and for comfort. You don’t want any more excitement and I do not give people comfort. [...] On reflection I can imagine that the occasion on which my mother found me most helpful to live with was when I helped her out of a burning house. I always knew that you would hurt me to death someday, but I hoped to choose the time and place. You’ve always been unconsciously hostile to me and I have tried to conciliate you by hacking away at my love for you, cutting it down to the little thing that was the most you wanted. I am always at a loss when I meet hostility, because I can love and I can do practically nothing else. I was the wrong sort of person for you to have to do with. You want a world of people falling over each other like puppies, people to quarrel and play with, people who rage and ache instead of people who burn. You can’t conceive a person resenting the humiliation of an emotional failure so much that they twice tried to kill themselves: that seems silly to you. I can’t conceive of a person who runs about lighting bonfires and yet nourishes a dislike of flame: that seems silly to me.You’ve literally ruined me. I’m burned down to my foundations. I may build myself again or I may not. You say obsessions are curable. But people like me who swing themselves from one passion to another, and if they miss smash down somewhere where there aren’t any passions at all but only bare boards and sawdust. You have done for me utterly. You know it. That’s why you are trying to persuade yousrelf that I am a coarse, sprawling, boneless creature and so it doesn’t matter. [...] But I know you will derive immense satisfaction from thinking of me as an unbalanced young female who flopped about in your drawing-room in an unecessary heart-attack.”

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(via Flavorwire)

Totally True Scientific Facts

“From the day of marriage the woman undergoes a change in her whole structure. She is similar to her former self, but not the same. It is often noticed that the children of a woman in her second marriage bear a marked resemblance to her first husband. In the inferior races and lower animals this obscure metamorphosis is still more apparent. A negress who has borne her first child to a white man, will ever after have children of a lighter color than her own.”

–The Physical Life of Woman

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Ah! I didn’t realize humans followed the same rules as pedigree dog breeders.

Adventures in Pickup Lines: Ladies Love Seamen

[The following is presented as an example of a "successful" pick-up line.]

On a crowded bus:

You step on her foot.

SHE: Owww!

YOU: Oh, I’m dreadfully sorry!

You step on her foot again.

SHE: Ouch! Please!

YOU (blushing): Oh, excuse me, please forgive me. I’m not normally so clumsy. It’s just that it takes a while for me to get my land legs after I’ve been out on a yacht.

SHE (wide-eyed): You have a yacht?

YOU: Why, do you like boating? …

Remember, you don’t actually say you have a yacht. Later, when she tries to pin you down, you can always say your friend Ari owns the yacht–and he’s a round-the-world voyage. But you offer to take her on a one-week cruise instead.”

The Sensuous Man

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Never mind why a wealthy playboy would disembark from his fancy-pants yacht and hop directly on public transportation…

Oh God.

“Whether or not the virginal membrane has been dealt with by a doctor, the prospective bride should stretch the opening to the vagina for a head start on marital adjustment. Instead of ordinary lubrication, she should generally apply a moderately thick layer of Surfacaine ointment to the area and wait three to five minutes for the deadening action of that ointment to take effect. She should then lubricate one finger (preferably one with a short, well-filed fingernail) with more ointment and insert it slowly into the vagina. If long fingernails create a risk of injury or if modesty prevents direct finger contact, a rubber stall can be used. Usually one to five minutes every day devoted to widening the vaginal opening results in proper stretching and relaxation in four to six weeks.”

–The Marriage Art

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There’s no unreading that, folks. Sorry.

(Also, the instructions actually go on. So I really did you a service by stopping early.)