Hersteria Gets Hysterical

“There is a disease of the nerves to which girls about the age of puberty are very subject, particularly in the higher circles of society, where their emotions are over-educated and their organization delicate. It is called hysteria, and more commonly hysterics

This disease is apt to produce a similar affection in other girls of the same age [14 or 15] who see the attacks. For this reason, hysterical girls should not be sent to large schools, but cured at home. Often a strong mental impression restores them. The anecdote is told of a celebrated surgeon (Boerhaave) who was called to a female seminary where there was a number of hysterical girls. He summoned them together, heated a number of iron instruments before their eyes, and told them that the first one who had a fit should be cauterized down the spine. They all recovered immediately.”

–The Physical Life of Woman

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The magic of modern medicine, ladies and gentlemen!

Spankings All Around!

“Women have been freed from the cookstove and the nursery. But they cannot be freed from the physical facts of life. Careers are only for the few who are career-minded and career-able. At that, many a career woman would gladly chuck it all for a man with guts enough to lift her over his knee and spank her roundly on the buttocks.”

–Women Confidential

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.Sounds like a dare to me.

Dimple Duplicity

You know what everybody loves? Dimples. Those little indentations that are just pinchably adorable on women, men, and babies alike.

But alas, your cheeks are unbearably smooth; you lack the sought-after dimple. What to do?

Luckily, Ms. Gilbert has invented this amazing machine that will show your face what’s what, come hell or high water. Dimples firmly in place, everyone will finally love you.

Order today!

(image via Black and WTF)

Oh, This Isn’t Hand Sanitizer…

From a chapter entitled “How to Drive a Woman to Ecstasy”:

“Many women love to see pornographic erotica (though few will admit it) in the form of novels, illustrations, photographs, and blue movies. Display your collection (if you own one) where she can notice it, and be guided by whether or not she shows any interest.”

The Sensuous Man

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This is absolutely true. Nothing is more attractive on a first date than finding a potential beau’s bathroom stocked with a stack of Barely Legal magazines and an array of tastefully arranged scented lubes (in a wicker basket, natch — unless he’s an utter brute).

Now, Where Did I Leave My Femininity?

“While women have always been the aggressors — in a highly hidden non-aggressive way — the shortage of males now makes it even more necessary for them to become more predatory in seeking males on the make. Her entire role in life is to snare him into marriage or otherwise — failing which she becomes a career woman. Many women who have successfully snared also become career women after discovering that what they’ve snared isn’t a man. Many who begin as career women also get married, hoping to become women again. Usually they don’t.”

–Women Confidential

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Okay, let me break this down for you:

1. Women are passive-aggressive predators.

2. Women trap men and force them into marriage.

3. Failing this, she will get a job.

4. If she succeeds, she gets to retain her womanly status and is saved from facing the cruel working world by her manly husband.

5. Unless he’s a total gay.

6. Women who are married AND also have a career have somehow misplaced their femininity.

7. Probably while shopping. Ha ha! Women, amiright??