Keepin’ It in the Family

On “Snaring That First Date”:

“Maybe you are one of those lucky creatures with a male cousin who holds either a high junior or senior status in another high school. If that’s the case, you hold an ace card. Explain your woes to Aunt Jane, who is sure to respond in motherly fashion and see to it that Cousin Johnny suddenly decides to ask you to the Christmas dance.”

Date Data

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Oh, we’re only on page 5 of Date Data, and already we’re in a muddle. There’s nothing uncomfortable with having your whiny, lonely younger cousin foisted on you as potential dating material, is there, fellas? Hm?

I also have a nitpicky problem with the phrase “a high junior or senior status.” It’s not like you’re ultra cool and thus become a senior (believe me, I managed to become one and avoided any semblance of coolness).

Or perhaps the author is inferring that the junior or senior in question has been smoking those jazz cigarettes. Oh my

Midol Mini-Post

It’s been very busy at Hersteria HQ – we recently moved to a new house (yes, again) and are in the process of emptying a house that we sort of inherited. That means going through 50+ years of a family’s belongings, which, let me tell you, means a lot of nicotine-stained tchotchkes.

But my housework has not all been for naught! For instance, this amazing, baffling – and amazingly baffling – promotional item from Midol.

Hersteria PMS Midol shiv

Personally, I know a box cutter would certainly help when I’m mired in the PMS crazies. File this under: Shark Week Shiv.

Idle Hands Holding Other Idle Hands Are the Devil’s Workshop

“Be a lady. Let Bill open doors for you if he’s so inclined. No hand-holding during the movie even if he insists and you’d like to. It may be a test to see whether you’re an easy mark. No point in being Puritanical, but don’t let your standards drag. It might be heaven for the duration of the movie, but you might never see him again, so play your cards carefully.”

- Date Data

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Remember girls: Holding hands while watching a movie will get you pregnant.

Also, watching a movie will get you pregnant.

You know what, it’s better if you just stay home. Alone. With your cats.