“After interviewing scores of high school girls, I’ve discovered the one-two-three formula for making you a date knight on date night.
Interested? Okay, hang onto your hat (if you wear one), because here it comes. You may have heard that girls like the strong masterful type — swoon — and they do, but from a strictly feminine viewpoint, it seems like the idea has been a little misinterpreted.
A girl likes to feel managed in the sense that she is being helplessly swept off her feet into a whirlwind evening that has been planned to the last minute detail, whether it’s a movie with a Coke float afterward, or a swanky dance that calls for formal dress.
She likes to feel subdued because her date seems more capable more intelligent, and better versed in what’s going on in the world than she. However, to interpret “that masterful approach” as meaning that dream boat yearns to be treated as a slave girl several notches lower in a caste system, is to take a jet flight right off the beam. All girls, from the slick chicks right down to the plain Janes, like to be treated like fairy princesses on feather pillows, and the boy who can create this illusion will instantly see in his girl friend’s eyes a reflection of himself as a Greek god.”
Well, this is certainly one way to define “pillow princess,” I suppose.
“The period of courtship is one full of importance. A young woman of unripe experience must decide from what she can see of a man during the intercourse of a few months, whether he will suit her for a life-companion. She has no knowledge of human nature; and what would it avail her if she had, when at such a time a suitor is careful only to show his eligible traits?”
–The Physical Life of Woman
I was going to make a snappy point that c’mon, even the contestants on “The Bachelor” have six months to decide which young ladies will be their lifelong helpmates, but upon further investigation, it appears the show is filmed within six weeks.
Never mind. Carry on.
On “Snaring That First Date”:
“Maybe you are one of those lucky creatures with a male cousin who holds either a high junior or senior status in another high school. If that’s the case, you hold an ace card. Explain your woes to Aunt Jane, who is sure to respond in motherly fashion and see to it that Cousin Johnny suddenly decides to ask you to the Christmas dance.”
Oh, we’re only on page 5 of Date Data, and already we’re in a muddle. There’s nothing uncomfortable with having your whiny, lonely younger cousin foisted on you as potential dating material, is there, fellas? Hm?
I also have a nitpicky problem with the phrase “a high junior or senior status.” It’s not like you’re ultra cool and thus become a senior (believe me, I managed to become one and avoided any semblance of coolness).
Or perhaps the author is inferring that the junior or senior in question has been smoking those jazz cigarettes. Oh my.
“Be a lady. Let Bill open doors for you if he’s so inclined. No hand-holding during the movie even if he insists and you’d like to. It may be a test to see whether you’re an easy mark. No point in being Puritanical, but don’t let your standards drag. It might be heaven for the duration of the movie, but you might never see him again, so play your cards carefully.”
– Date Data
Remember girls: Holding hands while watching a movie will get you pregnant.
Also, watching a movie will get you pregnant.
You know what, it’s better if you just stay home. Alone. With your cats.