(image via Mitch O’Connell)
Forget Madison, Mason, Olivia, Logan, and Jayden — for all of you expectant mothers and fathers pondering what to name to bequeath your little bundle of joy, here are some spot-on, Civil War-era suggestions from The Hairpin!
1. Cullen Andrews Battle
2. John “Old Wooden Head” Hood
3. Francis Asbury Shoup
4. Stand Watie
5. Gideon Johnson Pillow
6. Birkett Davenport Fry
7. Richard “Fighting Dick” Anderson
8. Leonidas “The Fighting Bishop” Polk
9. Charles “Savvy” Read
10. Daniel Ruggles
11. David Rumph Jones
12. Galusha Pennypacker
13. Wager Swayne
14. Edward Otho Cresap Ord
15. Ludwig Blenker
16. Amasa Cobb
17. Louis Trezevant Wigfall
18. Thomas Fentress Toon
19. Felix Kirk Zollicoffer
20. James “Sally” Archer
21. Cadwallader Colden Washburn
22. Samuel Kosciuszko Zook
23. Young Marshall Moody
24. John Seashoales Witcher
25. Amiel Weeks Whipple
26. Manning Force
27. Catharinus Buckingham
28. Absalom Baird
29. John Sappington Marmaduke
30. Bushrod Rust Johnson
(Daguerreotype via TVHistory)
Yes, my dears, it’s that time of year when every gal pushes her muffler to her cheek and ponders what gifts to get loved ones. Don’t waste another moment on thinking — Hersteria is here to help!
For the newlywed couple, these prison jammies will remind them that they, too, will one day feel trapped in a loveless marriage!
For Mother, nothing beats a shiny new toaster! Now maybe she can make an edible piece of toast for once in her goddamn life.
Oooh, and here’s a little something… special… for the man of the house!
Is your co-ed daughter still waiting for Mr. Right? Well, this practical record would be a great gift for young ladies who seem unable to catch a husband.
(via Say No to Crack)
Now, here’s a practical gift for Junior!
Happy holidays, everyone!
“The kind of men who make passes at athletic lasses and fall in love with lady shot-putters, weight-lifters, and broad-jumpers, are the kind of insecure men who, when you come right down to it, are not broad-jumpers themselves, and you can take that any way you like.”
How does that rhyme go again?
Boys don’t make passes at girls who run dashes — mostly because they prefer penises.
Hersteria is rather untidy right now.
Thank you for your patience as we clean it up!
(photo image courtesy of www.whisperedbetweenwomen.com)
Here’s a little somethin’-somethin’ to add to the Hersteria shopping list.
This high-flying hussy showcases her illicit talents, much to the delight of two onlookers, who eagerly grab at her cast-aside stockings and garters. The filthy footage of this month’s hussy is provided by Phineas, who seems like such a nice fellow otherwise.
“If Tubby and other late maturers suffer from being behind in their friends in their development, early maturers have other problems. Imagine how awkward and conspicuous a boy or girl sometimes feels who is a head taller than his or her classmates. You know a boy who at eleven already had a “mustache,” don’t you?”
Poor Tubby. Poor Mustache.
“A little thought will show clearly that Love is not merely sexual love, not merely a desire to gratify the sexual instinct. If love were merely sexual desire then one member of the opposite sex, or at least one attractive member, would be as good as any other. And indeed in animals and in the lower races, where love as we understand it does not exist, this is the case. To a male dog any female dog is as good as another, and vice versa. And the same is true of the primitive savage races, and even among the lower uneducated classes of so-called civilized races. To the Hottentot, to the Australian bushman or to the Russian peasant one woman is as good as another.”
Say what you will about the Hottentots–I refuse to believe that Lady and the Tramp weren’t deeply in love.