She’s either thinking “Oh yeah, I’m going to slice the hell out of this turkey,” or “Oh yeah, I’m going to slice the hell out of my squabbling family.” Either way, you can be sure a lot of white wine is involved.
“It just goes to prove that women are happy when they can kick a guy around. If he doesn’t give them cause for complaint, they invent it. Sometimes you wonder why wives stick to ne’er-do-wells, cheaters and drunks. The answer is simply that it gives them a chance to nag, correct, boss, forgive – and if he’s helpless enough – nurse and mother him. Indeed, the alcoholic who goes on the wagon can make his wife physically ill by his reformed and virtuous state. Sometimes she herself is driven to drink by it.”
“Honey, I drink and cheat to keep YOU happy and healthy!”
Best justification ever.
(image via English Girl at Home)
Tired of doling out the same, worn-out compliments to your lady friend? Take a page from The Academy of Complements (1663), written by John Gough. These lines are sure to quicken her breath and redden her cheeks, if you know what I mean.
“Her womb, mansion of Cupid and Summerhouse of pleasure.”
“Liquorous rolling eyes.”
“Her Cheeks are spread with Spices and Flowers.”
“Her breasts are the soft Pillows of love.”
“Her breasts are soft and tender as the Pelican’s.”
“In that sweet dimple, when she smiles, Cupid hath pitch’d his tents.”
“Her Thighes are fit subjects for the pleasant Songs of youthfull Poets to acquaint the world with.”
“Her legs as stately and firm as marble pillars.”
“Maybe you feel a little guilty knowing that at least three-fourths of Bill’s allowance goes down the bottomless pit labeled ‘steady dating.’
Should you share part of the burden? If so, how? Some girls have gone topsy-turvy on this score and have established a revolutionary system in which the girl pays 50 per cent of the bills.
Sounds wonderful, but almost always it flops. Boys usually like the system at first, but after a few dates in which they play second fiddle, they begin to feel like sissified heels and their eyes begin to wander to the glamor girls (not gold diggers) who make them toe the mark.
In the beginning the girl feels important and useful, but about the third date she begins to feel she is not out with a masterful, masculine boy, but a real Caspar Milktoast. Can she idolize this sort of boy? No! Emphatically no! Soon she is looking down her nose at him and admiring the fellow who will date her only half as much but will take the lead in everything.”
Takeaway: Sharing and equality will only bring ruin and send everyone running to unhealthy, controlling relationships. (Side note: Is there such a thing as a “masterful” teenage boy?)
(Image via Collecting Children’s Books)
Recently, while doing some research, I spied this theater hottie. Something tells me that he’s a real hoot to drink with. And by “a hoot,” I mean a messy, emotional drunk with a severe case of the Look-at-Mes. Even so. Gotta love a man who can rock a bonnet.
Hmmm. But what does this remind me of?
“A vast majority of such poor girls [who are promised love and marriage by beaus who want only sex] make their way to houses of ill-fame and give themselves over to a life of prostitution. Hardly one of these women, if married by the man who brought her to this condition, would have failed to make a true and loving wife and mother…”
Conveniently, we can now blame our exes for all of our sexual mistakes! Hooray!
It’s the third annual Hersteria Halloween costume guide! In posts past, I’ve shown you a number of exciting costume ideas, including Sexy Rollerskating Widow with George Washington Eyes and Sir Phoneface. This year I’ve drummed up even more thrilling and chilling disguises, sure to scare/entertain/allure/what-have-you. Let’s get to it!
Be the life of the Halloween party as an Eyeball with a Highball! Unfortunately, since television’s switch to digital, this costume only gets three local channels.
Don’t put that swimsuit away just yet! How about going as Sexy Clark Gable?
Don’t look now – it’s Mystery Swede!
No date to the Halloween party? No problem!
Take the Women Laughing Alone with Salad meme one further with this attractive Lonely Lettuce Woman costume!
Gather your girl-friends, put on those bloomers, and borrow your brother’s ball – you’re now a “Women’s Basket-ball Team“!
Oh, I kid. Can you imagine such a thing?!
Here’s another great idea for a group Halloween costume! I call it “The American Dream.“