Everything I Do, I Do It for You

Hersteria_cant understand women

“It just goes to prove that women are happy when they can kick a guy around. If he doesn’t give them cause for complaint, they invent it. Sometimes you wonder why wives stick to ne’er-do-wells, cheaters and drunks. The answer is simply that it gives them a chance to nag, correct, boss, forgive – and if he’s helpless enough – nurse and mother him. Indeed, the alcoholic who goes on the wagon can make his wife physically ill by his reformed and virtuous state. Sometimes she herself is driven to drink by it.”

 

Women Confidential

 

“Honey, I drink and cheat to keep YOU happy and healthy!”

Best justification ever.

 

(image via English Girl at Home)

How to Compliment a Lady, 1600s-Style

elizabethan courtship

“Hey girl. I bet under that kirtle and bumroll you’ve got some mighty stately Thighes.”

 

Tired of doling out the same, worn-out compliments to your lady friend? Take a page from The Academy of Complements (1663), written by John Gough. These lines are sure to quicken her breath and redden her cheeks, if you know what I mean.

“Her womb, mansion of Cupid and Summerhouse of pleasure.”
“Liquorous rolling eyes.”
“Her Cheeks are spread with Spices and Flowers.”
“Her breasts are the soft Pillows of love.”
“Her breasts are soft and tender as the Pelican’s.”
“In that sweet dimple, when she smiles, Cupid hath pitch’d his tents.”
“Her Thighes are fit subjects for the pleasant Songs of youthfull Poets to acquaint the world with.”
“Her legs as stately and firm as marble pillars.”

 

(via The Academy of Complements and Ask the Past)

Dating Disasters: Should You Go Dutch?

hersteria_big deal going dutch

“Maybe you feel a little guilty knowing that at least three-fourths of Bill’s allowance goes down the bottomless pit labeled ‘steady dating.’

Should you share part of the burden? If so, how? Some girls have gone topsy-turvy on this score and have established a revolutionary system in which the girl pays 50 per cent of the bills.

Sounds wonderful, but almost always it flops. Boys usually like the system at first, but after a few dates in which they play second fiddle, they begin to feel like sissified heels and their eyes begin to wander to the glamor girls (not gold diggers) who make them toe the mark.

In the beginning the girl feels important and useful, but about the third date she begins to feel she is not out with a masterful, masculine boy, but a real Caspar Milktoast. Can she idolize this sort of boy? No! Emphatically no! Soon she is looking down her nose at him and admiring the fellow who will date her only half as much but will take the lead in everything.”

Date Data

Takeaway: Sharing and equality will only bring ruin and send everyone running to unhealthy, controlling relationships. (Side note: Is there such a thing as a “masterful” teenage boy?)

(Image via Collecting Children’s Books)

Love Made Me Lewd

“A vast majority of such poor girls [who are promised love and marriage by beaus who want only sex] make their way to houses of ill-fame and give themselves over to a life of prostitution. Hardly one of these women, if married by the man who brought her to this condition, would have failed to make a true and loving wife and mother…”

– Dr. Hall’s Sexual Knowledge

 

Conveniently, we can now blame our exes for all of our sexual mistakes! Hooray!

7 Haunting Halloween Costume Ideas from Hersteria

It’s the third annual Hersteria Halloween costume guide! In posts past,  I’ve shown you a number of exciting costume ideas, including Sexy Rollerskating Widow with George Washington Eyes and Sir Phoneface. This year I’ve drummed up even more thrilling and chilling disguises, sure to scare/entertain/allure/what-have-you. Let’s get to it!

Hersteria Halloween_giant eyeball
(via Collector’s Weekly)

Be the life of the Halloween party as an Eyeball with a Highball! Unfortunately, since television’s switch to digital, this costume only gets three local channels. 

 

Hersteria Halloween_Clark Gable mask
(via Vintage Everyday)

Don’t put that swimsuit away just yet! How about going as Sexy Clark Gable?

 

Hersteria Halloween_masked swede

(via the Daily Mail)

Don’t look now – it’s Mystery Swede!

 

(via Visual News)

No date to the Halloween party? No problem!

Take the Women Laughing Alone with Salad meme one further with this attractive Lonely Lettuce Woman costume!

 

Hersteria Halloween_women's basketball 1900s

Gather your girl-friends, put on those bloomers, and borrow your brother’s ball – you’re now a “Women’s Basket-ball Team“!

Oh, I kid. Can you imagine such a thing?!

 

Hersteria Halloween_men in drag
(via Pinterest)

Say, here’s one for the fellas! Grab a buddy and dress as the Creepy Twins from The Shining!

 

Hersteria Halloween_Disney characters

Here’s another great idea for a group Halloween costume! I call it “The American Dream.

 

Happy Halloween, dear readers!