She Stoops to Chit-Chat

“If you are a gentleman, never lower the intellectual standard of your conversation in addressing ladies. Pay them the compliment of seeming to consider them capable of an equal understanding with gentlemen. You will, no doubt, be somewhat surprised to find in how many cases the supposition will be grounded on fact, and in the few instances where it is not the ladies will be pleased rather than offended at the delicate compliment you pay them. When you “come down” to commonplace or smalltalk with an intelligent lady, one of two things is the consequence, she either recognizes the condescension and despises you, or else she accepts it as the highest intellectual effort of which you are capable, and rates you accordingly.

– Decorum

Yes, at least pretend to think women are intelligent. Then let them go back to their hen parties and coupons and menstruating, or whatever witchery they’re up to nowadays.

VD: A Ho and Mo’!

“Nature has devised a retribution for illicit intercourse in the form of venereal disease. If the parties observe fidelity to their marriage vows, venereal disease is experienced in wedlock only on very rare occasions, and then through some accidental infection, as from contact with some public utensil, as a public water closet, a public towel or a drinking cup…

So prevalent are these venereal diseases among lewd women, whether prostitutes or clandestines, that specialists in the field say: ‘All lewd women are diseased part of the time, and some lewd women are diseased all of the time.’

– Dr. Hall’s Sexual Knowledge

 

That’s right: Nature came up with venereal diseases because you’re a filthy slattern.

Now, where my crafters at? I think someone needs to stitch that last quote onto a sampler.

 

whore cross stitch(Image via Monster IV Blood’s Etsy page)

Hersteria’s Marriage Tips for Connubial Bliss

Hersteria vintage wedding cats

First, Dear Readers, an apology: I’ve been absolutely awful at updating this site for the last, oh, nine months or so, and I do apologize. I’m sorry if you missed out on important (and antiquated) advice regarding sex, love, marriage, and filthy menstrual matters.

Then, an excuse explanation. My absence is due to the following:

1. Day job-wise, I moved from book publishing into web publishing. And guess what? Working on a website for 8+ hours a day kinda kills that inner fire to work on any personal writing!

2. This winter was a bear. A very unpleasant three-to-four months battling bad seasonal depression. Plus my dog died.

3. I’m getting married! This is extremely happy news, but it means my mind is stuffed to the brim with wedding-related ballyhoo.

Thankfully, I have plenty of marriage- and wedding-related resources to guide me into matrimonial bliss! After perusing through my archives both webby and paper, I’ve come up with a list of helpful marriage advice. Please, enjoy and pass on to any fools friends who are also on their way down the aisle.

Hersteria’s Marriage Tips for Connubial Bliss

handsome or homely

wedding night rabies_Hersteria

maritalratingscale_wife

(Of course, if you’re interested in more vintage marriage advice, be sure to check the archives!)

Q: Are You Attractive? A: No.

You know what’s really unattractive? You, probably. At least according to Esquire’s Handbook for Hosts, published in 1949.

How Attractive Are you

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Wait, how did they get your senior picture? Anyway, the advice goes on to assure you that you’re doing everything wrong.

are you attractive 1

Boozer? BOO! And remember, no man can love you unless he has proper lumbar support.

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are you attractive 2

I find it best to simply never cultivate any interests whatsoever. You never know when Mr. Right may need your undivided attention!

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Read the rest of the advice at Worker Dandyist International — thanks to Rose for sharing!

Trouble in Mind: Those Sex-Obsessed Americans

frigid women valentine

“Compared to foreign women, American women are sexless. But their minds are almost constantly on sex. The American woman dresses sex, talks sex, dreams sex, reads sex, smirks sex, pretends sex, hints at sex, smells of sex, slinks sex, dances sex and wiggles sex, but take it from Mortimer, she is a cold, sex-starved potato. Her chief interest in men is what she can get out of them – or how she can enslave them.”

Women Confidential

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Frankly, this all sounds exhausting. But what do I know — I’m just a cold potato.