Commence Frolicking!

“The next question which the child asks, as a rule, concerns the physical differences between the sexes. Your little six or seven-year-old girl may come with the question as to how the mother knows whether her new-born baby is a boy or a girl. … The wise mothers in all generations have adopted a very simple method of forestalling this question, and presenting in the family, conditions which answer the question in the most natural and simple way.

I refer to the custom adopted by the wise mothers of all generations of having the little children fo the family meet in the nursery at bedtime at least one evening a week in what some mothers call an “undress parade.” Others mothers call it a “bath night frolic.” The little boys and girls of the family ranging in age between two and seven or eight, enter into these frolic with the keenest and most unalloyed pleasure.”

Dr. Hall’s Sexual Knowledge

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“Bath night frolic” at my house means something completely different. And it involves less children and more bourbon.

Childless? Your Life Probably Sucks

“God created woman not only to become a wife, but also a mother. Her health, her happiness , and all that is most worth having, are only to be secured by her conformity to this divine purpose. The woman who enters the marriage state simply desiring to obtain the social place or sexual pleasure which it affords, and is unwilling to assume its duties and obligations, prostitutes her most exalted endowments, and shuts the door of her home against the entrance of the angels of life and blessing. The woman who persistently refuses to assume the duties of motherhood strangles her own mother-nature, the sweetest and divinest attribute of womanhood. No home that is without children can be perfectly happy; and barrenness, whether natural or enforced, is sure to bring regret and, possibly, even eventual estrangement.”

What a Young Man Ought to Know

I never realized what a hollow lie my life is until now. I shall go about getting impregnated and lawfully married to an esteemed gentleman at once (not in that order, obviously). And don’t worry–I shan’t enjoy conception one bit. Thank you, author Sylvanus Stall, D.D.!

It’s All Your Fault If You Have Ugly Children

[From a chapter entitled “How to Have Beautiful Children”]


“During pregnancy the mother should often have some painting or engraving representing cheerful and beautiful figures before her eyes, or often contemplate some graceful statue. She should avoid looking at, or thinking of ugly people, or those marked with disfiguring diseases… She should avoid ungraceful positions and awkward attitudes, as by some mysterious sympathy these are impressed on the child she carries.”

–The Physical Life of Woman

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Oh my, I don’t even want to contemplate what grotesque beast this woman will bear. Horrors!