Tag Archives: Date Data

Unwanted Attention: Smile When the Wolves Come A-Whistlin’

archie wolf whistle “Here’s another scene for your mind’s eye. Half a dozen boys are congregated on the steps of Ye Ole High School. A captivating co-ed saunters by. What happens? You know! Six low wolf whistles are sounded.

Why? Well, as the boys would phrase it, it’s because she’s so — er, a — well you must admit she certainly is! Of course, if you happen to be the girl in question, it puts you on the spot. Just how are you supposed to respond to pass this test with flying colors?

If [the girl] looks neither to the right nor the left but marches self-consciously on, she is apt to be the target of even more whistles and wolfish remarks. Boys are thrilled when they can get a rise out of a girl. On the other hand, if she makes some playful retort, the boys are apt to get the idea that their wolf calls are appreciated — even welcomed.

The ideal solution seems to be for the girl to acknowledge the dubious tribute with a sweet smile (not coy or coquettish) and walk on, thus letting them know that she is not flustered, but neither is she unduly impressed.”

–Date Data

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Welcome to the Madonna/Whore complex of simple, everyday strolling.

How to Manage, I Mean, Treat a Lady

Pillow Princess

“After interviewing scores of high school girls, I’ve discovered the one-two-three formula for making you a date knight on date night.

Interested? Okay, hang onto your hat (if you wear one), because here it comes. You may have heard that girls like the strong masterful type — swoon — and they do, but from a strictly feminine viewpoint, it seems like the idea has been a little misinterpreted.

A girl likes to feel managed in the sense that she is being helplessly swept off her feet into a whirlwind evening that has been planned to the last minute detail, whether it’s a movie with a Coke float afterward, or a swanky dance that calls for formal dress.

She likes to feel subdued because her date seems more capable more intelligent, and better versed in what’s going on in the world than she. However, to interpret “that masterful approach” as meaning that dream boat yearns to be treated as a slave girl several notches lower in a caste system, is to take a jet flight right off the beam. All girls, from the slick chicks right down to the plain Janes, like to be treated like fairy princesses on feather pillows, and the boy who can create this illusion will instantly see in his girl friend’s eyes a reflection of himself as a Greek god.”

 
Well, this is certainly one way to define “pillow princess,” I suppose.

Keepin’ It in the Family

On “Snaring That First Date”:

“Maybe you are one of those lucky creatures with a male cousin who holds either a high junior or senior status in another high school. If that’s the case, you hold an ace card. Explain your woes to Aunt Jane, who is sure to respond in motherly fashion and see to it that Cousin Johnny suddenly decides to ask you to the Christmas dance.”

–Date Data

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Oh, we’re only on page 5 of Date Data, and already we’re in a muddle. There’s nothing uncomfortable with having your whiny, lonely younger cousin foisted on you as potential dating material, is there, fellas? Hm?

I also have a nitpicky problem with the phrase “a high junior or senior status.” It’s not like you’re ultra cool and thus become a senior (believe me, I managed to become one and avoided any semblance of coolness).

Or perhaps the author is inferring that the junior or senior in question has been smoking those jazz cigarettes. Oh my. 

Idle Hands Holding Other Idle Hands Are the Devil’s Workshop

“Be a lady. Let Bill open doors for you if he’s so inclined. No hand-holding during the movie even if he insists and you’d like to. It may be a test to see whether you’re an easy mark. No point in being Puritanical, but don’t let your standards drag. It might be heaven for the duration of the movie, but you might never see him again, so play your cards carefully.”

- Date Data

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Remember girls: Holding hands while watching a movie will get you pregnant.

Also, watching a movie will get you pregnant.

You know what, it’s better if you just stay home. Alone. With your cats.