Now, Where Did I Leave My Femininity?

“While women have always been the aggressors — in a highly hidden non-aggressive way — the shortage of males now makes it even more necessary for them to become more predatory in seeking males on the make. Her entire role in life is to snare him into marriage or otherwise — failing which she becomes a career woman. Many women who have successfully snared also become career women after discovering that what they’ve snared isn’t a man. Many who begin as career women also get married, hoping to become women again. Usually they don’t.”

–Women Confidential

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Okay, let me break this down for you:

1. Women are passive-aggressive predators.

2. Women trap men and force them into marriage.

3. Failing this, she will get a job.

4. If she succeeds, she gets to retain her womanly status and is saved from facing the cruel working world by her manly husband.

5. Unless he’s a total gay.

6. Women who are married AND also have a career have somehow misplaced their femininity.

7. Probably while shopping. Ha ha! Women, amiright??

Give Grudgingly

Caveat: The book this information is taken from is a reprint, and thus may not be authentic. Even so, these are very wise words to live by. Take heed!


Sex Tips For Husbands and Wives from 1894

• The wise bride will permit two brief sexual experiences weekly — and as time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

• Give little, give seldom and above all give grudgingly. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

• Men obtain a major portion of sexual satisfaction from peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act. Thus the wife must ensure that there is no peace for him. Otherwise he might be encouraged to try again.

• Many women find it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pyjamas for their husbands — they need not be removed during the act.

• Lie still as bodily motion could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.

• When it cannot be prevented, sex should be practised in total darkness.

• Remain absolutely silent while he is huffing and puffing away – and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress.

• By the tenth anniversary many wives have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating sexual contact. Social pressure will hold the husband in the home.

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(From the learned ladies at Writing Women’s History.)

Husband Shopping: I Know How to Pick ‘Em

It’s Spring, a time when a young woman’s fancy naturally turns to marriage. But finding a proper beau is so difficult these days — that’s why I’ve provided these helpful hints for “shopping” for that perfect man!

First, think about what sort of man you would like. Remember, you will be married to him forever and ever.

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Husband shopping

Husband shopping: handsome or homely

(Both above images via Comically Vintage)

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Now then! Let’s look at the fellow you’ve picked. It appears he’s quite virile!

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Future hubby
(via Namey McNamerson)

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This is Hersteria’s 100th post! My goodness, how time does fly. Thank-you to all of my dear readers, who are undoubtedly some of the most attractive, intelligent, and morally upright people on the Inter-net.

While I’m at it, please follow/add Hersteria on Facebook and Twitter!


Checklist for Keeping Your Husband Happy

1. Firm and graceful body.

2. Be at home when he arrives. (If you must work, try to arrange it so you’re home first.)

3. Clothes, sexy — for your evenings home.

4. Be interested in him and the things he does.

5. A good conversationalist.

6. A bright smile over morning coffee. (This paints a good mental picture of you for all day.)

7. Nice voice (keep it soft and musical; also a pretty laugh).

8. Excess fat (taboo).

9. Well-set hair (brushed and clean).

10. Mentally alert (try reading).

11. Pin-curls (if they are a must, pin up after the lights are out and wear a bed cap).

12. Perfume — just for him, when he’s home.

13. A regular manicure.

14. A weekly pedicure.

–How to Keep Your Husband Happy (LP)

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Ladies, I know it’s difficult and it hurts your tender, pretty little brains, but at least try to read, would you?

This is the first time I’ve used an album as a text, rather than just books and pamphlets. But my golly, is this one a doozy. The entire back sleeve of the LP is a rambling diatribe of absurd betterment advice, exercise instruction, and a healthy dose of self-loathing. Very odd, very entertaining. And thanks to Miss Morgan for donating it to the Hersteria Library!

How to Hold Onto Your Husband

“1. Don’t interfere with, or object to, his going out with his men friends, when he wishes to do it. His desire for this is deeper than his own understanding.

2. Inject an element of uncertainty in your relations with him. Don’t give yourself too easily. Attract him constantly with every means, then give him the satisfaction of a little struggle before he makes his conquest.

3. Cater to his idiosyncrasies! Such odd desires are not all abnormal, and you need not let any element of fear or shame interfere.

Follow these rules faithfully, and you will be well insured against marital infidelity.”

–Mothers and Daughters

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I’m fairly certain that the author didn’t intend this to sound as kinky as it does.

On Attraction and Appeal

“A wife cannot loaf around the house in slovenly and unattractive garb, screech at the children all through every evening, and sleep in curlers six nights in a row, then expect to overcome a week of half-repulsion in a few minutes of desperate appeal. A husband cannot expect to speak gruffly, bathe infrequently, and strew his clothes around the bedroom, then inspire wifely response with a few quick caresses.”

The Marriage Art

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And lo, on the seventh day, the Wife stopped screeching at the children and took out her curlers.