[The following is presented as an example of a “successful” pick-up line to be used in an art museum.]
“Stare at bizarre abstract for five minutes, then nod in judgement, poking cheek in tongue.
YOU: My five-year-old brother has a better notion of line and perspective.
SHE: (eyebrows raised): Better than Klee?
YOU: You don’t believe me? Look! (Pull folded charcoal line drawing of city skyline from your coat pocket.) Have you ever seen such a display of sweeping vision in conjunction with a draftsman’s precision…
This line may be a bit shaky unless your kid brother is in the same league with Klee. But maybe not, because she probably knows nothing about art. After all, Cosmopolitan sent her to the museum to look for men, not for culture.”
[The following is presented as an example of a “successful” pick-up line.]
“On a crowded bus:
You step on her foot.
YOU: Oh, I’m dreadfully sorry!
You step on her foot again.
SHE: Ouch! Please!
YOU (blushing): Oh, excuse me, please forgive me. I’m not normally so clumsy. It’s just that it takes a while for me to get my land legs after I’ve been out on a yacht.
SHE (wide-eyed): You have a yacht?
YOU: Why, do you like boating? …
Remember, you don’t actually say you have a yacht. Later, when she tries to pin you down, you can always say your friend Ari owns the yacht–and he’s a round-the-world voyage. But you offer to take her on a one-week cruise instead.”
(The following is from a chapter entitled “The Pickup.”)
“If you can get at a woman, you have at least a chance of getting into her. And since most women in our society are ‘at large’ — free to move about in public without restriction — any reasonably attractive man with a fair degree of brashness has a good chance of scoring with a complete stranger.”
“If you can get at a woman, you have at least a chance of getting into her” may be one of my favorites phrases in the Hersteria archives (a list that includes “There’s Communists in the funhouse“). I may include some of the bizarre and inane pick-up line examples in a later post.