That Lovin’ Spoonful: Adventures in Anti-Birth Control Arguments

“The twitching and jet stream of the male orgasm stimulate the female partner toward a sexual climax. In some women, this source of gratification is so important that methods of birth control which interfere with the impact of semen on the vaginal walls greatly impair sexual satisfaction.”

–The Marriage Art

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My lands, was this written by a dude, or what? C’mon, ladies, he’s only thinking of YOUR pleasure!

The Champ and the Chomp

“Although orgasm gives the ultimate in sexual reward, I have known women who never had an orgasm and yet regarded sex as a great personal satisfaction. Pleasing someone you love and meeting biologic needs competently with your body brings full contentment to many women during non-climactic sexual intercourse, just as nursing a baby brings contentment to a willing mother. If anything, non-climactic sex is easier to enjoy than nursing, since a considerate husband can always make intercourse comfortable while even a well-meaning infant sometimes bites. If you conscientiously work at being available, you may ultimately find the feminine role quite satisfying even in the absence of ardor or desire.”

–The Marriage Art

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I have to admit, this unfortunate mishmash of imagery — that of a lady having to take it like a champ in bed, and the image of babies chomping at the bit (so to speak) — really has me addled. Ick and ow.

Ring-a-Ding-Ding: Marriage and Nudity

[Under the subheading of “Reminders of Past Glories”]

A wife who ordinarily keeps her more intimate parts concealed from her husband’s wandering eye can arouse him mightily  by baring her breast or letting her robe fall away from her naked thigh. Such glimpses soon come to mean as much to him as an ardent caress — his subconscious mind signals that they mean sexual joy, just as the tinkling bell signaled Pavlov’s dogs that food was on the way.

But what if she bares her whole body to him morning and night in matter-of-fact disrobement? Will her smooth breast still stir his passion after he has watched her dress a dozen times when sexual encounter was remote? Even though you might not think it sensible to dress behind a screen when every inch of your anatomy is thoroughly familiar to your mate, free display of absolute nudity as an everyday event robs you of an otherwise effective means of arousing his ardor.”

–The Marriage Art

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Wait… so, a woman has to ring a bell while baring a breast? Will the guy get turned on or hungry? Do you keep the bell inside the night stand, or ring it from behind the screen? Do you zap him with a mild shock if he doesn’t get in the mood?

I know I’ve said it before, but I really can’t get over that this book was written in the 1960s. This attitude seems such a turn-of-the-century, “Show us a bit of ankle, Mildred” sort of thing. Yes, this is the same author who advised men how to caress the feminine outlet and women to suck it up and deliver the goods.

Stop Snoring and Start Screwing!

“Many wives who cannot respond well to their husbands’ advances at the end of a hectic day find that they do much better after an interval of relaxing sleep. Sexual encounter in the relaxed torpor of early morning brings keenly mutual satisfaction to some couples. Others send the wife off to bed an hour or two before the husband, then rouse her from sound sleep for sexual dalliance. Occasionally, a high strung husband does better after preliminary sleep, too, so that some couples agree to wake each other whenever any impulses rouses them in the middle of the night.”

–The Marriage Art

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“Honey, run along to bed–I’m going to want a piece of that in about an hour.”

Not to Inflame Your Passions or Anything…

“In some instances, you will both realize from the start that wifely ardor has not been aroused and can modify your sexual approach accordingly. Soft kisses and stroking caresses generally prove quite suitable, but light bodily caresses usually tickle and annoy her when she serves her husband’s needs instead of her own passions. Relatively firm, matter-of-fact enjoyment of her pleasure-giving parts fits such occasions better than hesitant or tantalizing brushes or silky caress. While the man’s attentions should never be rough, they should be forthright and tenderly possessive instead of hesitant and namby-pamby.”

–The Marriage Art

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While I agree with the author that I want nothing neither namby nor pamby coming near my how-do-you-do, I would also really resent a matter-of-fact, “hey there, sport” interaction.

But that’s just me. I’m sure some girls go wild for namby-pamby.

Hey Honey, Thanks for Making It Consensual

[On complimenting men for their sexual performance to build their confidence] “Perhaps more important (and certainly more frequently neglected) are compliments for gentlemanly conduct of less directly satisfying bouts . . . Take the bridegroom who gives his partner a comfortable and easy introduction to sex, for instance; he deserves appreciation for his tender and well-managed attentions, even though his wife has known no joy and manifests no evidence of his success. Or take the impassioned husband who conducts himself in such a way that serving him becomes a comfortable communion instead of legalized rape. Can his wife not properly commend his skill and consideration?”

–The Marriage Art

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I can’t really tell what the author is getting at, and it’s making me really uncomfortable. (Mind you, this is the same guy who told wifey to just wait her goddamn turn for an orgasm.) Ah, the early ’60s. Watching Mad Men will never be the same. 🙁

Caressing the Feminine Outlet

“If you are just starting your sex life together or if past wifely satisfaction has not led to full feminine sexual awakening, caresses of the clitoris will stir ardor much more effectively than deeper friction. Even after years of married life, you will probably want to keep most husbandly caresses at or near the feminine outlet.”

–The Marriage Art

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Wow, this guy has a singular talent for sapping every ounce of sexy out of a sex manual.