Cast Boobs Before Swine

“Not only is the mind to be kept pure, but the imagination must be carefully guarded. Turn away from obscene pictures as you would from the most loathsome contagion. . . The influence of vicious pictures often leads to illicit sexual indulgence. . .  Banish from your room and your possession all photographs and pictures whether known works of art or shielded under some similarly deceptive and euphonious title, but which are nevertheless “nude and nasty,” and which consequently beget impure thoughts, pollute the imagination and debase that which is noblest and best in the beholder, it matters not whether the pictures are suspended from the walls of an art gallery or grace (disgrace) the parlors of the wealthy.

The man who desires to be pure in life must also be careful about the purity of his blood. No man can eat pork, at least to any considerable amount, without perceptibly poisoning his blood. Numerous forms of skin disease are easily traceable to the eating of pork, both fresh and cured, in the many forms of sausage pudding, ham and bacon.”

What a Young Man Ought to Know


Porn, pork . . . it’s all the same, really.

(Seriously, these two paragraphs ran together.)

Of Morons and Marriage Material

“You will need not only a wife, but you will also need a COMPANION. In such an alliance you should seek intelligence. A woman who is ignorant and stupid, or one who has simply learned to drum on the piano, to paint a few horrible pictures, and do a little embroidery, cannot properly be regarded as one suited for this important relation of life.”

What a Young Man Ought to Know


Well, I guess I’m out of the running, then. Back to painting my horrible pictures!

A Glimpse of Ankle: The Lady Porn Day Edition


Dearest readers,

Once again, I am participating in a themed blog circular as presented by Ms. Rabbit Write. Just as last time we discussed make-up, this entry is for Lady Porn Day. I realize this is a most out-of-the-ordinary topic for Hersteria, but I feel it important to educate the masses as to smut’s place in history and its consequences. I have provided examples of the obscenities to which I refer as well as a handy guide to help gentlemen avoid licentiousness.

Maintain a vigilant and virtuous mind, dear readers, and remember: When you touch yourself, the saints cry.


Miss K. LaMoine

A little side boob and derriere went a long way back then.

To be honest, this assignment was a bit of a stumper. I naturally assumed that somewhere within my library of antique sex and marriage manuals, an author would have addressed the issue of women and pornography. However, other than instructions on how to keep young girls from masturbating, there was nary a single mention as to a woman’s relationship to the erotic. It didn’t help that until relatively recently, there was barely, if any, porn made for women.

From these findings, I believe we can safely assume that women simply weren’t sexual before 1950. Moving on.


Whereas modern porn is typically an all-or-nothing, take a good look at my how-do-you-do event, 19th- and early 20th-century smut was more evenly mixed. Sure, you could get your overt photos of folks coupling (often while wearing befuddling hats [NSFW]). But more often than not, the available photos and films were simply naughty: women in various states of undress, typically in a specific setting (the kitchen, the country, the boudoir), and almost always with a sly almost-smile.



Can you spot all the things wrong with this photo?

1. nudity and lingerie

2. murder

3. a woman in the workplace

(pic via Silent Porn Star)


Even if there wasn’t a whole lot to see, there could be a whole lot to see, if you looked hard enough.  For better or worse, if a person was of a certain mind frame, the erotic/obscene could be found everywhere, just waiting to muddy otherwise virtuous minds. For some, this constant scanning for obscenities led to wild claims.

“The appeal to the amative and sexual nature is so universal in novels that it might safely be laid down as a rule that no young men or young women should be permitted to read a novel before they arrive at the age of twenty-five.” — What a Young Man Ought to Know (1904)

bike fix
Seven decades later, folks were downright blasé about actual nudity.

“Most pornography can be divided into two categories, visual and literary. These days most visual pornography consists of photos, all basically the same. The beginner’s collection shows naked women with emphasis on the breasts and genitalia. Since all females have identical equipment, if you see one, you’ve seen them all. Once the dramatic revelation that women have a clitoris, vagina, labia, and breasts sinks in, there are no more surprises.” — Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask (1970)

Ho-hum, vaginas. Which is healthier: panic or boredom?


Um, Miss? I … I don’t think that’s how you fix a bicycle.

(via Mistress Evelyn)

Bonus Material!

Hersteria’s Guide to Moral Purity

(You may notice that this is directed toward menfolk. I found it unnecessary to provide a similar list for women, as decent ladies do not harbor such thoughts.)

Gentlemen! Do not dwell upon the following:

• A lady’s bloomers or knickers                                  • Ladies wearing trousers
• Irises                                                                              • Velvet-lined gloves
• Stockings                                                                      • Muffs
• Lemon meringue                                                        • Omelets
• A well-folded beach blanket                                     • Bicycle seats
• Mason jars                                                                   • Drapery tassels
• Bare ankles                                                                  • Partially closed draperies.
• Bowling pins                                                               • Voting booths
• Side saddles                                                                • Boules of freshly risen dough
• Peach halves (with or without syrup)                    • Un-salted mackerel
• Conch shells                                                                • Dart boards
• Bananas                                                                       • Billiard pockets
• The works of Georgia  O’Keefe                                • Doilies
• Dictaphones                                                                • Hat pins
• Hat boxes                                                                     • Vulvas




Sexy is where you find it.



*Thank-you to Mr. N. Marshall, Mr. J. Crock, Mr. P. Jurgaitis, and Mr. J. Thaxton for their help in list-making.

Ain’t No Helpmeet of Mine

“Women who are constantly seeking diversion and entertainment, who are absorbed by the empty and exacting demands of what is called ‘society,’ who are extravagant in dress, and who honestly contribute nothing, either of happiness or comfort, to the sum of the world’s good, are really idlers, and are practically worthless as helpmeets. Any woman clad in silks and seal and costly apparel can look pleasant and smile attractively on Chestnut Street or Fifth Avenue; but, young man, the woman you want to live with you in your home is the one who can be agreeable and helpful in the midst of every-day burdens and self-denials. . .”

What a Young Man Ought to Know



So I suppose dozing on the couch while watching The Wire for five straight hours disqualifies me from being a helpmeet, eh? What Bunk.

Childless? Your Life Probably Sucks

“God created woman not only to become a wife, but also a mother. Her health, her happiness , and all that is most worth having, are only to be secured by her conformity to this divine purpose. The woman who enters the marriage state simply desiring to obtain the social place or sexual pleasure which it affords, and is unwilling to assume its duties and obligations, prostitutes her most exalted endowments, and shuts the door of her home against the entrance of the angels of life and blessing. The woman who persistently refuses to assume the duties of motherhood strangles her own mother-nature, the sweetest and divinest attribute of womanhood. No home that is without children can be perfectly happy; and barrenness, whether natural or enforced, is sure to bring regret and, possibly, even eventual estrangement.”

What a Young Man Ought to Know

I never realized what a hollow lie my life is until now. I shall go about getting impregnated and lawfully married to an esteemed gentleman at once (not in that order, obviously). And don’t worry–I shan’t enjoy conception one bit. Thank you, author Sylvanus Stall, D.D.!

Insatiable Sexual Nature, You Say?

“Sometimes, even where a woman is endowed with fair physical powers and would make a helpful and congenial companion if she were equally mated, yet in her ignorance she consents to marry a man of great amative powers and of an insatiable sexual nature — a man with a thick neck, deep chest, with almost unlimited physical endurance — a man who does not know that he has a single nerve in his entire body and one who cannot appreciate the fact that any other person has any. Such a union cannot be the source of anything but misery for both parties in the compact.”

What a Young Man Ought to Know


Aw, I think someone’s jealous.