Nag Number 684

“Teenagers can help reduce family friction immensely by recognizing why their parents behave as they do and by keeping a lid on their own tempers. Try a good-natured approach: ‘Oh, mom, you know I’m too old to take orders like that,’ or a slightly humorous approach: ‘That’s nag number 684 on the subject of unhungup pajamas.’

–What Teenagers Want to Know

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Nag numbers 685-693 are regarding the Victoria’s Secret catalogs stowed under the mattress.

Mirror, Mirror

“Billy only a few months ago had round chubby cheeks. One day he looked in the mirror to realize that his face is longer and thinner, more masculine.

Laura couldn’t properly apply lipstick despite endless practice and, when she did try, she looked silly. Then, as if by magic, Laura acquired the knack and looked as if she had been wearing lipstick all her life. Now when she looks into the mirror, the face she sees has grown up. She’s old enough to wear lipstick.”

What Teenagers Want to Know

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Apparently women eat an average of seven pounds of lipstick during their lifetime. So while Bill’s mug magically transforms him from plump kid to chiseled hottie, poor Laura is cramming more lipstick into her craw.

How to Train Your Teenage Boy

“Some boys can’t quite do the asking face-to-face the first time; they feel more comfortable using the telephone. But whether personally or by telephone, the first rule is to ask a girl for a date at least a week in advance. Girls don’t like being called at 7:30 to do something at 8:00 that evening.”

–The Life Cycle Library

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I mean no offense to our male readership, but I can’t imagine any teenage boy having the wherewithal to ask a week in advance for anything.