Everything I Do, I Do It for You

Hersteria_cant understand women

“It just goes to prove that women are happy when they can kick a guy around. If he doesn’t give them cause for complaint, they invent it. Sometimes you wonder why wives stick to ne’er-do-wells, cheaters and drunks. The answer is simply that it gives them a chance to nag, correct, boss, forgive – and if he’s helpless enough – nurse and mother him. Indeed, the alcoholic who goes on the wagon can make his wife physically ill by his reformed and virtuous state. Sometimes she herself is driven to drink by it.”

 

Women Confidential

 

“Honey, I drink and cheat to keep YOU happy and healthy!”

Best justification ever.

 

(image via English Girl at Home)

Trouble in Mind: Those Sex-Obsessed Americans

frigid women valentine

“Compared to foreign women, American women are sexless. But their minds are almost constantly on sex. The American woman dresses sex, talks sex, dreams sex, reads sex, smirks sex, pretends sex, hints at sex, smells of sex, slinks sex, dances sex and wiggles sex, but take it from Mortimer, she is a cold, sex-starved potato. Her chief interest in men is what she can get out of them – or how she can enslave them.”

Women Confidential

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Frankly, this all sounds exhausting. But what do I know — I’m just a cold potato.

American Men = Chumps

“American men have been raised on a fiction: that American women are soft, feminine and alluring. They forsake the freedom of single bliss and the grubby affairs in motels and automobile back seats for the fantasy that is held up on all sides of soft female flesh, partially hidden by a sheer black negligee; sex on silken sheets with a perpetually young and sylphlike wife with red lips and nails by Revlon and hair always in place by Toni. They dream of gay, perfumed nights of love courtesy of Sortilege.

Even before the honeymoon is over, the sucker discovers that in marrying an American woman, he sold himself into bondage to a domineering, sexless individual who regards marriage as a contest with a husband to see who is going to be the boss. And the poor chump always loses.”

Women Confidential

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Them’s the breaks.

By the by, I had to look up Sortilege — while the author is probably talking about having a gay time (ahem) with the Canadian brand of whiskey/maple syrup liqueur, I’m choosing to believe he meant the ’80s French heavy metal band.

Spankings All Around!

“Women have been freed from the cookstove and the nursery. But they cannot be freed from the physical facts of life. Careers are only for the few who are career-minded and career-able. At that, many a career woman would gladly chuck it all for a man with guts enough to lift her over his knee and spank her roundly on the buttocks.”

–Women Confidential

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.Sounds like a dare to me.

Now, Where Did I Leave My Femininity?

“While women have always been the aggressors — in a highly hidden non-aggressive way — the shortage of males now makes it even more necessary for them to become more predatory in seeking males on the make. Her entire role in life is to snare him into marriage or otherwise — failing which she becomes a career woman. Many women who have successfully snared also become career women after discovering that what they’ve snared isn’t a man. Many who begin as career women also get married, hoping to become women again. Usually they don’t.”

–Women Confidential

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Okay, let me break this down for you:

1. Women are passive-aggressive predators.

2. Women trap men and force them into marriage.

3. Failing this, she will get a job.

4. If she succeeds, she gets to retain her womanly status and is saved from facing the cruel working world by her manly husband.

5. Unless he’s a total gay.

6. Women who are married AND also have a career have somehow misplaced their femininity.

7. Probably while shopping. Ha ha! Women, amiright??

Lady Shot-Putters Need Not Apply

“The kind of men who make passes at athletic lasses and fall in love with lady shot-putters, weight-lifters, and broad-jumpers, are the kind of insecure men who, when you come right down to it, are not broad-jumpers themselves, and you can take that any way you like.”

–Women Confidential

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How does that rhyme go again?

Boys don’t make passes at girls who run dashes — mostly because they prefer penises.