Oh My Lands and Stars! A Gynecological Manual from 1880

Recently, I had the pleasure experience of perusing a gynecological manual from 1880. Those poor women! Sure, going to the gynecologist is never a walk in the park, but my lands! Pretty much every illustration had me rocking back and forth, hugging my torso, and apologizing to my ovaries for ever thinking mean thoughts about them.

Some of the more disturbing aspects were simply the names of the instruments used. How is it the inclusion of the person’s name in a surgical instrument makes it so much worse?

Among the many, many gynecological instruments mentioned:

• Hick’s Wire-Rope

• Kibbee’s Fever-Cot

• Molesworth’s cervical dilator

• Cutter’s “T” for anterior displacements

• Budd’s elastic probe

• Simon’s Scoop for removing cancer

• Sim’s Screw for removing tampons (in this case, “tampons” were used to stop hemorrhages

• Thomas’s Spoon-saw for removal of uterine fibroids

• Thomas’s flat elastic whalebone

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Speculum

“Shhh, just keep sleeping.”

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procedure

I would be completely fine with never, ever seeing the word “vaginal fistula” again.

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gyno procedure 2

Hold on tight, Ellie Mae, and thank Bozeman’s securing apparatus!

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The book also contained helpful hand-written cures for a number of other ailments. Please be sure to see the Hersteria Library for how to cure Hysterical Bladder and Fibroid Tumors in Womb.

Give Grudgingly

Caveat: The book this information is taken from is a reprint, and thus may not be authentic. Even so, these are very wise words to live by. Take heed!


Sex Tips For Husbands and Wives from 1894

• The wise bride will permit two brief sexual experiences weekly — and as time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

• Give little, give seldom and above all give grudgingly. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

• Men obtain a major portion of sexual satisfaction from peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act. Thus the wife must ensure that there is no peace for him. Otherwise he might be encouraged to try again.

• Many women find it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pyjamas for their husbands — they need not be removed during the act.

• Lie still as bodily motion could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.

• When it cannot be prevented, sex should be practised in total darkness.

• Remain absolutely silent while he is huffing and puffing away – and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress.

• By the tenth anniversary many wives have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating sexual contact. Social pressure will hold the husband in the home.

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(From the learned ladies at Writing Women’s History.)